One year with cancer today; thank you!

feffe kaufmann cancer past during now

Today I celebrate one year with cancer! ✨

Being in the very end of it and with the next screening I will be ”cancer free” I can now assure that it was the best thing ever happened to me. I will be struggling for the year to come to regain my physic but thats nothing to complain about!

To enrich my life and to maintain the gratefulness of small everyday things and wonders I was recommended by Mikael Karlholm, a truly beautiful soul, to set out on a 28 days quest of gratefulness guided by the book; The magic. I now done three laps and started every morning with writing ten things, big or small, that I’m truly grateful for. Everyday the book gave me an additional task from all imaginable layers of life to be grateful for. Relationship, money, career, family, self development, love and much more.

It has been a dramatic 12 months of my life and today on feb 14th of February when it’s my cancer anniversary day I want to thank life, all my beautiful friends and family and the universe for everything and I’m honestly grateful for the diagnose and chain of motion with all the good things that came along with it.

Cancer is the cresendo of my journey filled adventure, laughs, awesome experiences and joy but also a parallell dark journey full of car and bus accidents, destruction, tsunami in Khao lak, huge fire outbreak in Boracay with casualties, multiple injuries, surgeries and hospital time, being suicidal, broken childhood, drug abuse, bullemi, and general low self-esteem; all brought to me by the universal law of attraction. If it wouldn’t been for all my beautiful friends I guess I would have been long gone long time ago spiralling down my road of destruction.

If you always have negative thoughts about yourself, life will match those thoughts with negative happenings and circumstances. I been put on trail so many times during my life but I always somehow bounced back. When the cancer diagnose came I was of course first in chock but it didn’t take long until I felt this realm of calmness. It was just another obstacle to get through and I was always sure it was just another bump on the road and nothing else. It felt unfair but then again I hadn’t changed the view of myself.

The last decade I had enough and slowly started my journey to change that. I had enough. But change doesn’t come easy when it comes changing yourself and I’m still searching and working with myself everyday.
I’m now at peace with my broken upbringing and I have now forgiven my alcoholic mother because I now truly know she tried her very best with the hand given to her and the path she chose to walk. Being a parent is anything but easy. And on top of it being traumatised witnessing her own four year old daugter being crushed into a concrete wall by a drunk driver outside our house in Brazil does not make life easier for either her nor the family. The fact that her father commited suicide by throttling his car into a mountain wall when she was a young woman, only that, can get any person down the spirilling road to alcoholism and denial for ones own responsibility for happiness, forgiveness and magical life.

Cancer have speeded up my internal healing process, understanding of whats really important in life for me and given me a entire new meaning and for that I’m forever grateful. It given me new beautiful friends, opened doors I would be sceptical open before and on top of that opened my heart and eyes for the life I’m living today and for the man and father I want to be tomorrow.

Today I salute myself and celebrate this consumer friendly day of love by for once giving a lot of love to myself. My past doesn’t predict my future any more, I do. It made me who I am but it does not define my actions, who I want to be and the life I want to live. I honour my past but from today I won’t regret anything anymore.

Thank you life, thank you everyone that been in my life, thank you love, thank you past, thank you future to come and thank you all for all the love and support. I am truly grateful for everything and words are not enough to mirror how grateful I am for everything; and blessed with many moments and years to come.

I see you on the flip side of life, much love / Feffe <3

#beherenow #fuckcancer #staypositive #livelife

I quit my job, in therapy and now got a son – Embrace change


Maria, a good friend of mine and I were having a coffee in the beginning of this year taking about the future. We high five’d each other and made a promise to ourselves that 2014 would be a year of change and OUR year. I must say that our promise we made to ourselves have already becoming my reality.  [Read more…]